This is Harry Potter
by FanaticalShiva
Summary: A series of random adventures, all linked to the boy who lived.
1. This is Harry Potter

This is Harry Potter  
  
Ch. 1 Harry Potter and the Mean, Sinister, Deranged Killer Bunny of Death.   
  
Harry looked around the dark room and was deeply puzzled. Over in one badly lit corner seemed to be a shrine to carrots, while the entire floor was covered in grass. "Who'd go through all the trouble of making a indoor badly lit meadow?" Harry wondered.   
  
"I bet you are wondering who would go through all the trouble of making a indoor badly lit meadow!" came a harsh voice behind Harry. Harry spun around and expecting to see some horrifying creature was startled to see an innocent bunny looking up at him with soft brown eyes.  
  
"Well its very realistic", said Harry to no one in particular thinking that the voice could not have come from the rabbit, "complete with wildlife and everything."   
  
"Fool!", came the voice again, this time right in front of Harry, "The purpose of this indoor badly lit meadow is mean, sinister, and deranged!" Harry shrugged and started walking forward into the gloom to find the voice, forgetting the rabbit was there he nearly trod on it but it lept out of the way.   
  
"Idiot, nim skull, pathetic excuse for a human! Watch out you nearly stepped on me!" Harry was very confused but one phrase had stuck in his mind   
  
"Human, if I am a human what are you?" a low sinister chuckle echoed through out the room   
  
"Ha ha ha, you want to know what I am, I am your worst nightmare brought to life Harry Potter. Flee in terror!!!! HA HA HA!!" Harry stopped walking forward for the voice was now coming from the right, but now he backed away from it,   
  
"Lord Voldemort?"   
  
"No! I am even worse than that!"   
  
"Umm I am sorry, but if you are my worst nightmare, I'm afraid to say you'd have to be Lord Voldemort. I don't really have nightmares about much else you see."   
  
"Well ok then, I am your second worst nightmare brought to life Harry Potter. Flee in Terror!!!!"  
  
"You're a Dementor? you know, I'm not sure if you are, they usually don't speak, they kinda do more of a gliding forward, suck all the happiness out of you, kiss the soul out of your body, thing not a lot with the flee in terror semi-witty repitoir."   
  
"Wrong again!!! I am (cue dramatic music) THE MEAN SINISTER DERANGED KILLER BUNNY OF DEATH!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Harry looked very confused again, and then burst out laughing. The bunny which was now standing in front of him with a little black cape on looked...mad to say the least.   
  
"How dare you laugh at me! I am the most terrifying creature to ever grace your presance, Mr. Potter. Flee, I tell you, flee in terror, or face me, the (cue dramatic music) MEAN, SINISTER, DERANGED KILLER BUNNY OF DEATH!!!!!!" Harry just laughed harder, until he fell over and his glasses fell off. The bunny grasped them in his front paws and hopped away. Harry continued laughing for a few more minutes until he realized that the bunny was gone, he got up on his knees and started searching for his glasses.   
  
"HA HA HA HA HA HA!! I the (cue dramatic music) MEAN, SINISTER, DERANGED KILLER BUNNY OF DEATH!!!!! has stolen your glasses! I bet you weren't expecting that!!!" Harry looked up into the gloom and shrugged his shoulders,   
  
"Well no I wasn't expecting that but you know I have an extra pair back at the school so you know if you don't mind can you show me the way out, I'm a bit blind without my glasses."   
  
"NO!!!! You have to find the way out your self!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! I bet you weren't expecting something as mean, sinister and deranged as that!" Harry just looked confused and walked over to a wall and started searching for a door. Meanwhile the mean, sinister killer bunny of death had put on harry's glasses and was hopping after harry while muttering insane little poems over and over. Finally Harry found a door and was greatly surprised to find himself right out side the Gryfindor enterance, where the Creevy brothers were just stepping out into the hallway.   
  
"Hiya Harry, Colin said, "Where'd you get the bunny, and why is it wearing your glasses?" Harry spun around again, and grabbed his glasses off the bunny. Picking up the bunny he handed him to Dennis,   
  
"Here Dennis, its a talking bunny, just for you." Dennis' eyes widened, he was being given a present by the great Harry Potter himself.   
  
"Oh my god, this is so cool, thanks Harry!!!" Dashing back into the commen room Dennis shoved the bunny into a cage that was lying about (don't ask why, its hogwarts stuff is bound to be lying about), and ran back out after his brother.   
  
"Noooooooooo! This can't be happening to me!!!! I am the (cue dramatic music) MEAN SINISTER DERANGED KILLER BUNNY OF DEATH!!!! Noooooooooo!!!" 


	2. Harry Potter and the Mysteriously Smelly...

Because I forgot to put this in the first chapter.  
  
Summary: A series about random Harry Potter adventures Ron/Hermione for now.  
  
Disclaimer: I don´t own anything, seriously I even got some of the titles from mugglenet.com, if you see one of your titles and don´t want me using it please tell me so.  
  
Ch. 2 Harry Potter and the Mysteriously Smelly Bathroom Stall  
  
Harry was wandering around Hogwarts. It was a week after that weird enncounter with the something something killer bunny of death, he still laughed thinking about it. He was glad it was the weekend as well, Qudditch practice later! He couldn't find Ron or Hermione, though he had a pretty good idea where he'd find them. After two weeks of hiding in broom closets, Mr. Filch had opened one only to have Harry's two best friends fall on top of him, apparently in the middle of a snog. The reddness of Ron's ears could only be matched by the reddness of Hermione's face when Ginny had asked her if she had had a fun time "studying". Harry shook his head laughing. Realizing he only had 5 minutes before qudditch practice he dashed into the loo, Angelina had a cow the last time someone had asked for a bathroom break.  
  
Opening the bathroom door, Harry was hit by the most god awful smell ever, it smelled even worse then when Neville had gotten him covered in stinksap, about to leave and find another bathroom, Harry glanced at his watch and realized that he only had 3 minutes left and thinking, oh well, he pulled his robes up around his nose and dashed into the nearest stall. A minute later harry could be seen bolting from a bathroom on the 3rd floor, breathing in huge gasps of air while heading for the qudditch changing rooms.  
  
20 minutes earlier  
  
Draco could not believe the smell he had caused! Alright so maybe he had been eating way too much at breakfast, but really! Even the most powerful air cleaning smells did nothing. Resolving just not to mention it to anybody, and curse anyone who saw him in here, Draco stuck his head out the door, made sure no one was there and ran as fast as he could to the Slytherin Commen Room. 


	3. Harry Potter and The Broom of Instant Re...

Harry Potter and The Broom of instant Reversal  
  
Harry finally made it out to the quidditch field. Feeling a bit nervous, because he hadn't flew all summer he mounted his broom and kicked off. Immediately his broom sank into the mud of the field. "what is going on!" Harry thought, Angelina was looking at him odd, and Ginny Weasley who had made the team as a chaser looked like she was going to burst out laughing. Harry shook his head and remounted his broom, and tried to kick off again, this time the broom flew into the air about ten feet then reversed so when he landed this time, he slid off his broom and landed on his posterior in the mud. "Oi, Harry! What are you playing at? Get on your broom and get up here at once, I've got a practice to run!" Angelina yelled down in frustration. Harry flushed red because now the entire field was looking at him, so he mounted his broom, for hopefully the last time this practice and pushed off again. This time he was about 50 feet in the air and leveled off when his broom shot towards the opposite end of the field. Immediately trying to get his broom to go forward he realized he was now over the forbidden forest and going about 30 miles an hour. Terrified he was going to end up on the other side of the forest and be seen by a muggle Harry started talking to his broom trying to get it to go forward "Come on now, you don't want to get seen, you'll get turned into firewood. Really now, this isn't necessary!!!" To his surprise (but I bet not to yours) the broom started to speak back to Harry. " Well lets see how you like eh? Trapped in a bleeding closet all summer. You used to take me out and at least clean me, but no not now! The big man on campus weren't you? To big to humble yourself by cleaning me, your good friend, who has won you many a quidditch match." Harry was flabbergasted, he'd heard of many enchanted pieces of furniture and even items of clothing, but none of them had a mind of its own. Harry decided to try to reason with it. "No that wasn't it at all, I was just not as you know, bored this summer, Dudley had gone to summer camp and I had the house to myself, and then I was at Ron's but we never had time for quidditch. I'm sorry. Really I am." "Well," mumbled the broom, "if you really are sorry. I suppose I can stop reversing, but it's a good trick you know, not many broom can reverse." Harry smiled, and laughed softly "Well I don't suppose you could return me to the school, I do have quidditch practice." So the broom and his boy flew all the way back to hogwarts and had many a happy quidditch game together. Now is that the end of the story you wonder..Well of course not! Harry will have more adventures!! Look for him next week in Harry Potter and the Flaming Caldron of Almost but not quite Death!! 


	4. Harry Potter and the Cauldron of Almost ...

* Author Note * Anything in parentheses, except for the first paragraph, are my thoughts on the situation.  
  
Harry Potter and the Flaming Caldron of Almost but not quite Death!!  
  
Harry shook his head in puzzlement, this entire week had been extremely weird, and not in the whole Lord Voldemort trying to kill him weird (that had nearly become the norm for him) but talking brooms, insane bunnies and extremely smelly bathrooms. He was almost afraid to ask, but not quite,  
  
What next?  
  
Well I can tell you what is next! Next for the fantastic Harry Potter is none other (hold on to the edge of your seats ladies and gentlemen) than the dreaded potions class!!!!!! AHHHH!!!  
  
Harry glanced down at his schedule and groaned, potions with his least favorite teacher Snape. Who had made it his mission in life to hate Harry because Harry's dad was mean to him and then saved his life. (Some people! Really!) Even Harry wasn't quite sure about that whole situation. Potions wouldn't even be his least favorite class if it wasn't for the teacher, half the class (the slytherins) the location, (could you get more clichéd, dark gloomy potions master, dark gloomy room, dark gloomy subject....). The smells sometimes got to him too, and don't get him started on some of the things he had to dissect, eh, and the fact that he had dinner after potions most days really was starting to get to him, he didn't even have time to wash his hands some days!  
  
Well here he was, in the dungeons, standing outside the class, and leave it to Harry to be the first person there. He sighed and pushed the door open and glanced around, noting that even Snape hadn't graced the room with his slightly greasy presence yet. He walked to the back of the class and sat in the seat that he usually sat in now, with Ron sitting next to him, Hermione and Neville in front of them and Seamus and Dean next to them, quite well shielded from any poisonous glares Snape sent their way. He rummaged through his bag and began pulling out his ingredients and his collapsible pewter cauldron. He set his wand on the edge of his desk and settled down for a few minute wait.  
  
The door to Snape's office swung open and who would march through into the room other than the greasy, grimy, mean, despicable, unable to let go of a decades old grudge, Potion's Master himself, Professor Snape! Sneering at Harry he walked to the front of the room and began writing down the instructions for that class. With out looking back he began to question Harry,  
  
"So Potter, thought you'd get a little extra studying in? Trust me, when it comes to potion making you either can or can't, and believe me you are one of the hopeless few who can't, and I am unfortunate enough to have to teach year after year." Turning and smirking evilly, "Why Potter, one could even call you a waste of my time!" Harry felt himself turn red and had to restrain himself from reaching for his wand and cursing the smirk off of Snape's arrogant face and walking out of Potions forever. However he knew he had to have advanced potions skill to become an auror, and that was the only thing stopping him right now.  
  
Luckily before Snape could say anything more, or Harry could do anything at all, the classroom door opened and the rest of the class poured into the pungent smelling dungeon and began to sit down. Ron sat next to Harry and began talking about the detention he had just served with Filch and how he had to clean up Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Hermione however saw how agitated Harry was and asked him what was wrong.  
  
"Mione, I'm sitting in a highly smelly dungeon, in my least favorite class, with my least favorite teacher, and I got here early. As far as I am concerned life at this moment couldn't get worse if Lord Voldemort materialized out of my cauldron and started to curse me!" Hermione looked at him sympathetically but before she could say anything Snape began to talk,  
  
"How many of you remember my speech at the beginning of your first year?" Snape asked. Everyone in the class was looking around confused except for Hermione who was looking slightly excited and had her had raised high in the air. But per usual Snape ignored her and continued talking,  
  
"I mentioned that, if you weren't a load of idiots as most of you have proven yourselves to be, we would be able to stopper death, and this is exactly what our esteemed headmaster has asked me to teach you sixth years. Now don't get too excited," Snape cautioned as the class began to murmur in anticipation. "This will be a long and complicated process, one which shall take many extra hours of studying, preparing, and sitting here and maintaining your cauldron's heat. Most of you will have to let some of your other studies slide because you are inept at handling responsibility, but I should mention that if you do not meet all the requirements I shall fail you and have you removed from this class." Harry couldn't believe the harsh punishment just for not coming down here and watching a cauldron boil. He sighed in annoyance and began copying down the notes that had been written on the board.  
  
Later that day, as the class filtered out of the potions class, Harry, Ron and Hermione were talking about this new assignment, and as usual Harry and Ron were complaining and Hermione was excited.  
  
"Extra time down in that class, you couldn't pay me one hundred galleons to do that!" Rom muttered hotly.  
  
Harry utterly agreed, "Trust Snape to come up with an assignment that could fail half the class out and not to mention maybe kill half of us too!"  
  
Hermione shook her head, laughing slightly "Dumbledoor wanted us to learn, and I think that this amazing, they usually only let Ministry officials try to make this and we get too!"  
  
"Oh come on Mione! You can't be excited, you'll have to let your studies slide!" Ron said, "Really how can you be for something that's, that's, downright anti-school!  
  
Hermione burst out laughing, "Ron as if you would know what 'anti-school' is! And trust me this is an opportunity to learn, as for letting my studies slide, I can handle responsibility!" With that Hermione walked into the dinning hall closely followed by Ron and Harry, and the three of them proceeded to have dinner then go back to the gryfindor common room.  
  
The next couple of weeks went in the exact same schedule for Harry. He would wake up, go down the dungeons, check his potion, go grab a quick breakfast, go to the rest of his classes until lunch, go check on his potion again, go to his next classes without any lunch, have dinner while being yelled at after explaining that he would have to miss quidditch practice again, then sit with his potion until it was time to go back to the common room.  
  
Slowly this process began to wear him down and he decided to just let the potion go to hell. The next two weeks then were great, he caught up on all his homework, went to all of his make-up quidditch practices, and lounged around the common room while most of the sixth years were down in the potions class working on their potions, a few others like Ron and Dean had also let their potions go, but they were all suspecting that Hermione was watching their cauldrons as well because during potion classes they never seemed to be behind the rest of the class.  
  
Well, soon it came time for Snape to check all of their potions. He had procured a batch of mice to test the potion on (I have nothing against mice and I was going to use cockroaches but my feeling was that they could even survive liquid death). Harry was standing nervously next to his cauldron when Snape came to test his. Already three potions hadn't worked and seven had. Snape was leering viciously at Harry when he came to his cauldron and announced in a voice loud enough for the rest of the class to hear.  
  
"So Potter, thought you could slack off? Didn't think I'd notice for the last two weeks you hadn't been here? Well this will be interesting to see if this potion worked, hmmm and lets see, the fitting punishment for a slacker would be to fail you, don't you agree Potter? Not that your opinion matters." Harry thought this was extremely unfair, seeing as how Snape had already tested Dean's potion, and all though it didn't work, he hadn't failed him. Harry nearly opened his mouth to say something when Ron stepped on his toe and shook his head slightly when Harry looked at him (Hermione is rubbing off on Ron). Snape slowly lowered the ladle into Harry's smoking cauldron and brought it back up to give it to the one of the mice.  
  
Now let me tell you something, mice are smart. I actually don't know if they are or not, but I'm saying they are, and after seeing seven of their colleagues killed from drinking from this ladle, none of them were going to take any more chances in drinking what came out of there.  
  
So Snape tried to get mouse after mouse to drink it but none of them would, in fact if you spoke mice-squeak, you would hear them all encouraging each other as they ran away from the ladle. Snape was getting more and more angry, and you could tell, he was almost transparent in his whiteness and his lips were so tightly pressed together that they had almost disappeared. Suddenly Snape let his anger take hold of his rational thought and slammed the box of mice into Harry's cauldron, spilling it all over the class room floor! Kids were running everywhere and because of the smoke couldn't see anything, including the door. Also in the flurry of commotion more and more cauldrons were getting knocked over. The potion is not dangerous to the touch but the smoke is slightly toxic and with all this smoke floating about in the air more and more of the class were passing out from the combination of lack of air and toxic death smoke. Lucky for us, well not us but the unfortunate kids in the potions class room, Neville, the Zeppo of Hogwarts, had found a door! And unluckily for the unfortunate kids in the potion room it was only the door to the supply cabinets, sorry Neville, thou art still the Zeppo!  
  
For although Neville made a daring attempt at saving the day, he is not Harry Potter and these stories are all about Harry Potter and what Harry Potter has to put up with to save the various days in which Harry Potter and Harry Potter's various friends are in danger!  
  
Harry, making a mad dash for where he thought the door was, suddenly slammed into a immobile object standing in the middle of the room, and who would it be other than one of Harry's arch-rivals Draco ....(I can't spell his last name and I'm too lazy to go find one of my Harry Potter books). Through the foggy air both of them stared at each other for a good two seconds which felt like eternity. Draco then passed out, but in his passing out he had cleared the fog/smoke for just a moment allowing Harry to see the door! Making another mad dash towards the area in which he was now sure the door was located he suddenly ran smack bang into the wall, but he was not far off for three feet to the right of him was the door! Harry reached out with his right arm and began moving to the right until he felt wood underneath his hand. He had found the door! Throwing it open and falling into the hallway Harry looked out and saw that all the gas was pouring out of the class into the hallway and clearing the air in the classroom. He smiled slightly and scrambled down the hallway to go get Madame Pomfrey, to see to the sick. He returned five minutes later to find that the potions class was still in chaos, but it was slowly reverting into normality. Madame Pomfrey did her thing and with the help of a few levitation charms, began moving the still unconscious students up to the sick bay. After most of the students had gone back to their common rooms or been levitated up to the sick bay, Harry began to pack up his things. After he was finished he looked up and saw Snape standing over him staring at him,  
  
"Lucky break for you Potter, I can't technically fail you, since we never tested your potion, but don't expect a good grade from this either." With that the oily potions master turned on his heal and stomped back into his office.  
  
Harry Potter Once Again Saves The Day! 


End file.
